lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
