Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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