I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
