the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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