i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
