I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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