I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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