I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
