i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
