too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
