I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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