I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
