Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize