I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize