I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
