when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He passed out mid-signature
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
