I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
