just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
