Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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