Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
