Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
