So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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