I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
