I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
