just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
