Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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