i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am one with the molecules
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
