I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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