how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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