porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
