apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
