I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
