the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
