Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
