There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
