wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
