if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
