Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
