i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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