I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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