guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
