ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
