It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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