Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
pop tarts are not kleenex
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
