This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
