How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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