smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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