Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
