Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
