i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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