First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
