is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
