I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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