My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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