So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
