So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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