I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
