census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
