yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
