There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
