Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Fuck appropriateness.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize