I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
