i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
