Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
