My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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