I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
