I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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