On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your cock deserves a montage
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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