I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hello my rib-scented angel!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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