Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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