people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
