Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize