also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
