a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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