where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
