Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
