3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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